Five Things NOT to Say in a Eulogy

It can be a challenge to write a eulogy. While it is a good idea to read all that you can about what you should include and where to find inspiration, it is just as important to learn about what you should avoid including in a eulogy.

1. It Was God’s Will

Even if you truly believe that it was God’s will that the person being eulogized died, it is not usually appropriate to say so. Not everyone will agree with that assessment, and it can cause pain to those closest to the person who has died to hear those words, especially so soon after his passing.

1. It’s for the Best

Again, not everyone will agree with this statement. Even if the person who died had suffered through a long illness, there is a good chance that those closest to him would do anything to have him back.

1. Minimizing the Loss

This is a quite common mistake made by those delivering eulogies. In an attempt to make the family feel better by putting their loss into perspective, they instead unintentionally minimize the loss.

For example, they might say something like, “While it is difficult to say goodbye, at least he lived a long and happy life” or “While losing a parent is difficult, it is far worse to bury a child.”

Remember, at that moment, this is likely a devastating loss to the decedent’s family. Do not say anything that could be interpreted as minimizing that loss.

1. Inside Jokes

At most funerals, the use of inside jokes during the eulogy is not appropriate. The eulogy should be easily understood by all who will hear it. If you include inside jokes, this will not be the case.

Instead, stick to more general stories or choose inside jokes that can easily be explained in the eulogy.

1. Making it About You

Another common mistake that people make when writing a eulogy is to make it about them. For example, “I don’t know how I will go on” or “He told me that I was the best friend that he ever had”.

The eulogy should be about the person who has died, not about the person who is delivering it. Avoid language that puts the focus on you and instead find ways to honor the one who has passed.

The above mistakes, while common, can detract from an otherwise beautiful eulogy. Keeping these five tips in mind will help you to write and deliver a eulogy that will bring honor to the one who has died.
photo credit: oneselfsacrifice